Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
