He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
