I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
