need another drink. this is the easiest way
plz talk dirty to me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize