What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
