i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
