Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
