I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize