ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
