i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
