I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this beer tastes like vomit already
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
