I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
