hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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