the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
