i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
