Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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