That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
