woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
