i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
