And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
