It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
