Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
