Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
