id be glad to
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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