I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize