he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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