OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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