I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Of course I have a pirate flag
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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