47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
