i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
