i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
