I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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