Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize