Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
