If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
one might say we're banned from that church
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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