If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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