You just made me feel so damn special
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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