Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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