Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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