I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
