okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
