she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
