made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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