My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
