i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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