i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
