she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hate all girls vehemently.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
