Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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