I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
