I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
