The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
