I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
