What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
