I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Jerry, you need to find god
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
