I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
