Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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