If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
