We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
