So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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