Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
