So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
