I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
