Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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