The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
