Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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