Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
