trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
