Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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