he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I party with great urgency now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
