You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
