when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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