im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
