It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
