I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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