I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
