The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
