i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
