did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
