OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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