if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
