Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bring me that man meat
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
