When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
