I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
