Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
