I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
