maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
