If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
