When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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