he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
