They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
