a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
