I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
